Forget 24 Hour Fitness

I am using a new gym now ... well, that is if I actually currently went to one. Tomorrow, tomorrow...

I think my neighborhood qualifies ... dude killed in the alley a few months back, tagging on apartment buildings, and babies walking the streets at midnight. But the two produce trucks are spectacular.

Olympics Inspiration

Did you get inspired by the Olympics? Did the Games make you want to have sex with compete with the world's best? I thought so ... below is a clip on how you can get your end of the summer Games on in your community. The javelin throw is my favorite event.

glumbert - The Urban Olympics

[Source: Glumbert.com]

Also, more of the star of that clip, Remi Gallaird ... he is a big fan of urban sports:


I even You Tube'd him for his other prank clips for your convenience: Gallaird YouTube Clips.

I Am So Proud Of The Kid

Brian Collins started off with a rough showing. The above clip was from a student-run television newscast in his college days. His "Boom Goes the Dynamite," might possibly be the best catch phrase in all of the sports world. ESPN is jealous that one of their anchors didn't come up with it. Although, I hear Chris Berman is looking to use it in this year's NFL coverage.

Anyway, Collins is all growns up now. He's growns up, and he's growns up, and he's growns up...

He and his dynamite got a gig with KXXV-TV News Channel in the Texas area and "encourages residents to contact him about any story ideas."

Seriously though, good for him. I get offered 10 bucks an hour, get pissed off, and curse myself to sleep for studying journalism at school. Time to drink some beer and take it out on some A's fans.

Softball Guy Thinks You're Ridiculous

I have never understood flag or touch "football." Neither should be considered football if there is no tackling involved.

Sure, a pigskin is involved and the objective is to score touchdowns, but what is the world's smash-mouth game without laying out an opponent? And the players nerds that play it take it very seriously.

There is this Dim Sum-esque fat boy in my fantasy football league who got bent out of shape when I called him out for playing flag "football." I told him that he shouldn't admit to playing flag football, unless he is talking to a 12-year-old boy, and even then that boy has every right to call him a pussy.

His response? He went on to say that "he wanted to kick my ass ... blah blah blah ... Abercrombie ... he is a real man."

Sure, guy. Keep telling yourself that, your boyfriend might agree with you one day.

Anyway, a south Georgia judge called the cops on a flag footballer player because he claims the "athlete" threatened to hit him.

Lee County Magistrate Judge Jim Thurman was refereeing the game. He claims the player argued with him and threatened him. So, he called police. Thurman claims Hayes tried to hit him, though witnesses told police that's not true.

It doesn't surprise me ... all you have is pussies on a flag football field.

No wonder Jae Kim stood up for his precious flag football.

Softball guy thinks that flag football players are bitches.

They're Starting To Line Up

It was only a matter of time until someone back in the States declared her love that they wanted a piece of Olympic God Michael Phelps.

And it seems that she didn't waste anytime to get a head start on her competition.

From DeadSpin and Yahoo! Entertainment:

When it comes to Michael Phelps, Lindsay Lohan is apparently willing to postpone this whole lesbian thing. While interviewing Michael's mom Debbie on Monday, Hobbit-like Access Hollywood correspondent Billy Bush received a text message from Lohan, which he proceeded to show Debbie while on the air. Mom's reaction was pretty great.

Lohan's message: "Tell him he's fucking amazing, and I want to meet him."

Debbie's reaction? "OK, Lindsay!!! -- Delete! Delete! Delete!"

Phelps better take as many condoms that will fit in his bag for the Olympic Village Center, he is going to need them back home.

Like I said before, I am hoping to come across a genie in the next week.

My first wish? To be Phelps' penis for a day. Second wish? For Michael to hit all the Hollywood starlets' hot spots all day long.

And my final wish would to start the next day with a Los Angeles ghetto dog in both of my hands.

Official Video of Phelps .01 Victory

This is the unseen video of second place finisher, Milorad Cavic, from the 100M Butterfly event.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

[Source: Funny or Die.]

The Weekly Lazy Entry

I am resurrecting it earlier than I wanted to...

I had an article due for the Register today so I didn't get to my regular entries, and before I knew it, all the other bloggers got to the stories that I wanted to cover. And all the posts that I thought would be unique are on the interweb.

Oh well, here is your lazy entry of the week:

• Don't trash talk at the Olympics if you can't back it up. Great job keeping a American stereotype alive. [Yahoo!Sports]
  
• College football fan completes a 32-year quest to see all 119 Division 1-A teams. I hate you, Steve. [SportsbyBrooks]
  
• Argentinean Women's soccer team joined Spanish athletes with the slant eye mockery of the Chinese athletes. China got the last laugh by beating them 2-0, racists. [Sky News]
  
• The International Table Tennis Federation wants the women competitors to show a little more skin to attract a bigger audience. Sure, we all want to see women that look like men in more revealing clothing ... yummy. [Yahoo!Sports]
  
• Mike Tyson has a brother in Tajikistan ... a boxer in the Olympics got disqualified for biting his opponent. Bonus points: Evander Holyfield was watching the fight. [SF Gate]
  
• The swimsuits of Spain's synchronized swimmers were banned from competition for embedding lights in them. They can still flash their nipples. [NBCOlympics.com]
  

A Round of Applause Please...

Natalie du Toit didn't want to just settle for the Paralympics Games. Despite having a prosthetic leg, the 24-year-old South African competed in the Beijing Olympics in the Marathon 10K swimming event.

The program was made available for the first time, meaning she had a better chance to qualify for the games after failing to compete in the pool events. Open water allowed her to reach her goal of getting to the Games.

She lost her leg in a motorbike accident in 2001, derailing her chances to become a star in the pool.

Unfortunately for du Toit, she did not achieve her goal of finishing in the top five ... she finished 16 out of the field of 25 (a minute and 22 seconds behind), quite a feat to still be very proud of.

Try to catch it on the "live" coverage tonight.

Cubs Better Be Careful

I hope the Cubbies know what they are doing...

As previously mentioned, the Cubs have a diehard 102-year-old fan that would like to throw out the first pitch at Wrigley Field before his time on Earth has ended.

Well, the man up in years certainly would have thrown the first pitch had he been named at the landmark stadium. Just ask 7-year-old Wrigley Fields.

Jerry and Kathy Fields' son, Wrigley, will throw out the first pitch at the place he was named after. The boy is 7.

Little Wrigley Fields of Lockport will meet his destiny on August 29th at a Cubs' home game against the Philadelphia Phillies when he'll throw out the first pitch at Wrigley Field.

His mother Kathy says she mentioned Wrigley's name in front of a former Cubs official, who promised her Wrigley would get to throw out the first pitch.

If Chicago's favorite baseball team is smart, I would immediately get the old-timer on the phone to set up his first pitch at Wrigley. Karma is a bitch, and you know what bitches can do.

Bitches be acting buck wild.

*Note: picture is not Wrigley Fields, just some cute baby Cubs fan.*

Mussina to Pavano: 'You're A Pansy'

Carl Pavano signed a $39.95 million, four-year contract with the Yankees prior to the 2005 season. The return? Just 19 appearances and a 5-6 record.

With such a great resume with the Yankees under his belt, it is easy to see why fans have paid little attention to his rehabilitation from elbow surgery. But Yankees' starting pitcher Mike Mussina surely has noticed, and is skeptical that Pavano can pitch with the pinstripes this year.

Mike Mussina said in spring training last year that Pavano must show his teammates he wants to pitch. Yankees general manager Brian Cashman said teammates shouldn't be dubious of Pavano in his latest comeback attempt.

Belittled by New York tabloids that call him "American Idle," disparaged by some teammates for his lack of durability, Carl Pavano could return to the New York Yankees this weekend.

New York is deciding whether to pitch Pavano or Phil Hughes this weekend since the pitching staff has been hit hard with injuries. If I am Pavano I would give a rotten performance in a bullpen session and stay in the minors for the rest of the year.

Making that kind of coin away from the New York media and out of the way of teammates doubters. Take it Pavano. Relax, sign with another club next year, and stick it to the Yankees in 2009.

Ah the American way.

[Photo Cred: Allaroundphilly.com]

Jeff Kent Just Got A Whole Lot Cooler

Someone had to finally say it.

First of all, I am all gung-ho about the history of the sports and its athletes. I especially love sports announcers I grew up listening to and who paid their lives to the games that they loved like Bob Miller, Chick Hearn, and Southern California's voice of baseball, Vin Scully.

I grew up following the Angels and Dodgers but my allegiance was always with the Angels that played so close to my hood. And I always admired Scully's knowledge of the game and his impeccable research of the players, in both leagues. But recently I have thought the dude goes off on tangents that put me to sleep. If I ever need to get some rest I tune into a Dodgers game and let Scully send me on the nap train.

Jeff Kent agrees. In an interview with the LA Times' TJ Simers, Kent said Scully: "talks too much" after the golden voice said that Kent is benefitting by hitting in front of Manny Ramirez.

"I've been here four years and I have never seen Vin Scully down here in the clubhouse," Kent said. "How does Vin Scully know me? How does Vin Scully know Derek Lowe?"

"Everyone says I'm hitting now because some guy says so on TV?" he says, and first time someone has ever called Scully "some guy."

That'a'way Kent. I know it is hard in LA after all the attention went towards Manny, but now you have brought some eyes and ears your way after those comments.

You may not see Scully in the clubhouse, but I also know that we won't see you in the Dodgers outfield seats after those comments. However, Angels fans think you're funny.

Cracker Jack Rings

I used to hate the New England Patriots because I feared that they would eliminate the Indianapolis Colts like they did every year. That hate and fear turned into respect, because at the end of the day they earned the rings* (maybe with some help).

It seems as of late they are getting soft though. The players were presented with rings to commemorate last year's run, and perfect regular season march to the playoffs.

From the Boston Globe:

Owner Robert Kraft and team president Jonathan Kraft presented the players with rings. On one side of the ring, it reads "16-0 -- perfect season." On the other, it reads "18-1, AFC Championship."

In addition, a banner was made to commemorate the season, and it was unveiled at the ceremony, with Kraft pulling a rope as it came down from the ceiling. It will be displayed at Gillette Stadium, next to the team's Super Bowl banners.

"16-0 -- perfect season" with "18-1, AFC Championship" on the other side? Make up your damn mind as to what you are celebrating. Oh, and by the way, "16-0" is not a perfect season, it is a perfect regular season. Silly losers.

I never get the whole point of celebrating a loss. I don't like seeing division or conference championship banners in stadiums, what is the point. John Wooden laughs at the notion of getting rings after losing in the Super Bowl.

Those rings have as much value as Lindsay Lohan wearing a sobriety band.

For Mr. Papa Phelps

We have seen her face all over the television screen for the last week ... no, not my darling Alicia Sacramone, but Michael Phelps' mother, Debbie. And although his father was in Greece for the 2004 Games, Fred Phelps was nowhere to be found in Beijing.

But that doesn't mean he was watching Michael's every move in the pool.

From the Baltimore Sun:

Our Sun colleague, Childs Walker, spoke with Fred Phelps this week to request an interview. Fred thought about it, and I think he probably handled the request as well as he could. He declined, saying he didn't want to take away from his son's accomplishments by delving into the family story.

"This is just about Michael," he said. "This is his glory, his time to shine, and I want him to get everything he wants."

Rest assured, while Phelps is in the Beijing pool, his father is paying close attention, cheering from back in Maryland.

"I'm just on pins and needles every time he hits the water," Fred Phelps said.

Here is to a great MerMan who helped produce an incredible athlete. Tom Hanks could have had a child like Michael if he had used his vagina penis on Daryl Hannah.

A Bolt Is Fast

Usain Bolt is crazy fast. If you didn't catch the Men's 100M event from Beijing I suggest you try to find it online or at YouTube because the dude is amazing. (I would post a video from YouTube, but it will no doubt be down within a couple of hours. Puto NBC.) He made his competition look so bad that he let up with 20 meters to go to celebrate his victory.

And what was with the second and third place runners were celebrating just as much as Bolt did? Actually, they probably celebrated more.

Anyway, an interesting rumor I can across today was posed by Darren Rovell at CNBC stating Bolt may have let up at the end of the race to make money later.

You see, the reason Usain Bolt didn't push through and finish in 9.60 seconds instead of 9.69 is -- as the rumor goes -- because he's smart. He didn't want to kill his gravy train.

So, the conspiracy theory goes, that Bolt knew before the race that he had to win the race and take the gold, but not push it too much, otherwise he'd kill his opportunity at future bonuses.

"I wasn't worried about the world record," Bolt said after the race. "I didn't come here to run a world record. I came here to win."

I couldn't find any number for his agent Norman Peart, so I couldn't follow up there, but I do know that Bolt was presented with a $1.8 million check by his sponsor Digicel when he broke the record in May.

Interesting take on the celebration ... I am buying into that.

The 21-year-old will be competing Tuesday (late Monday night/early Tuesday morning US time) in the 200M semifinal. Lets see if he can best Michael Johnson's World Record time of 19.32 in the event.

USA, USA, USA!

I Want That Job

The opening ceremonies for the Beijing Olympics got rave reviews after spectacular dances, fireworks, and singing were on display.

But shortly after people were buzzing about what went down behind the scenes leading up to, and at the ceremonies. Fake fireworks, benching a child songstress for having crooked teeth, downplaying the incident of a dancer getting paralyzed during rehearsal, and even late reporting of deaths during the building process.

One thing that worked out well for the Chinese Government's eyes was the selection of Chinese women for the opening festivities. If a woman wanted any shot to be selected she had to strip down naked and get measured up by body inspectors.

Thousands of young women from colleges and dance academies in Beijing competed for the chance to appear before a huge worldwide audience.

During the selection process, the women were required to strip so teachers judging whether they were qualified could measure their body proportions, The Beijing News said.

The women had to be at least 1.66 metres tall, have a pretty face and possess youthful energy, the report said.

What a gig ... Immediately after clicking the 'publish post' button I am going to begin writing a letter to my local Hooters franchise complaining of the quality of women. In the letter I am going to reference how the Chinese Government are much better at the selection process of women and it would only benefit the business to take on its methods.

Of course, I am patenting the process here in America, so Hooters has to hire me to do the inspections for all the Red, White, and Blue's locations. I remember you, Nicole. I remember how you treated me at the Hollywood Hooters, you will be the first to not meet the specifications.

More Than A Man, Less Than A God

I know I am a little late on a Michael Phelps entry after he went eight-for-eight in his quest for domination, but it is never too late to praise an unrivaled competitor that represented the United States in the Olympics.

He is the reason I expressed more interest than usual for the Games, and once he started he had me glued to the television. He may have been the fish, but he had me hooked from the beginning. And since he finished off the best Olympic run in the history of mankind, my enthusiasm for the Games has waned.

Phelps had his goal set up and he dedicated all of his time to achieve it. I look forward to one day telling my children about the Olympics in which Phelps tore the competition a new one. There is already a DVD for sale about his run, and I almost picked up my cell phone to buy it after seeing the commercial.

Admit it, you got chills when you watched Phelps during these Games. I watched numerous YouTube videos of his victories, not only to re-watch his excellence, but to hear the people in the background of the homemade videos and their joy in their screaming as they watched him fight for another gold.

I even got chills watching this:


Now I need to look into becoming Phelps' penis for a day. I swear, if he touches Alicia Sacramone he will never be able to get in a pool again.

Smashing Event Isn't What It Used To Be

As I mentioned last week, the Beijing Olympic athletes are provided with an unlimited amount of johnson covers.

I mean it is the right thing to do, especially when you have the most physically fit human beings all come together in one common area. Those individuals have trained their asses off, and once their events have ended there is no doubt that they want to let loose.

However, it seems as if the unofficial event of boinking is unfashionable at these Games.

Two-thirds of the 100,000 condoms available to competitors at the Beijing Games are sitting unused in the Olympic village’s medical clinic—in stark contrast to previous games.

Organizers ran out of prophylactics at the 2000 Sydney Games, which forced Athens organizers to nearly double the total available to 130,000 four years later.

“Athletes should know about the condoms—it’s a tradition of the Olympic Games,” said Vhao Wyanli, assistant director at the medical clinic inside the Olympic village. “It’s nothing new.”

The 10,500 athletes housed in the Olympic Village have access to the free condoms as part of a campaign on HIV prevention and anti-discrimination.

Of course the condoms were going to be untouched by the Redeem Team, especially this cat.

I guess I understand the athletes reasoning about concentrating on the Games instead of worrying about getting some booty. But damn, with all the fine, hot, bangin' women there, how could you not?

Alicia Sacramone better be saving herself for me.

Breaking News: Joey Chestnut Loses

Yardbarker editor Dewey Hammond outdid the human garbage disposal Joey Chestnut. As you may know already, Chestnut is No. 1 in the world of competitive eating. ("Chestnut is number one. His stomach is number one. His lips is number one. His throat is number one.")

Apparently, Chestnut is a lightweight in the weight class that is beer chugging. Kobayashi is laughing somewhere right now ... that is until he looks in the mirror at his silly hair. USA, USA, USA!

[Source: Visit Yardbarker network, your favorite athletes blog there.]

This Is Just Mean

But funny as hell. Aside from Alicia Sacramone being super hot, more evidence has been discovered as to why she fell in the women's group event.


I love you Alicia. I hope one day you realize that I am not stalking you, just looking out for your best interest.

Another Olympic Hot Mama

Naked! Not only do the Olympics bring out individuals athletic abilities, but the dirty laundry comes out as well. I wish the Olympics came every year!

Leaked photos of a member of the Swedish archery team, Sara Boberg, have hit the interweb. Unfortunately for our eyes, she is not at this year's Games.

You can find the photos at WWTDD.com, because it wouldn't be right for me to host them.

Pervert.

This One's For You Gengis Khan

And for First to Third's favorite Mongolian, Mr. Dorjpalam, also known as "Rags"....

Mongolia has finally tasted gold at the Olympics after Tuvshinbayar Naidan won the 100-kilogram class of judo competition on Thursday.

His victory sent thousands of people into a main square in Ulaanbaatar to celebrate. Politicians spoke. Fireworks exploded. People sang the national anthem.

The long-awaited Olympic gold was a top story Friday to Montsame, Mongolia's national news agency.

"Mongolians are celebrating this remarkable event throughout the country with much happiness," the agency said.

I hope Naidan is not married, because that dude is getting laid like crazy once he gets back home.

Here is to you, Rags ... cheers.

McEnroe Still Has It

He hasn't lost his touch. John McEnroe, at the tender age of 49, managed to get himself tossed from the over-30s Hall of Fame Champions Cup in Rhode Island on Thursday.

Volatile as ever, McEnroe got tossed from his opening match at the over-30s Hall of Fame Champions Cup on Thursday for a new kind of triple fault: Cursing, arguing with the chair umpire and making an obscene gesture at fans.

While arguing a line call, McEnroe was given a code violation warning for uttering an obscenity. When he kept up his tirade against chair umpire Ray Brodeur, he drew two abuse of official penalties.

As the argument progressed, fans at the International Hall of Fame court started yelling at McEnroe, telling him to resume play. McEnroe responded with his obscene gesture and was thrown out.

And he wasn't even losing, he was leading 6-3, 2-4 before he went apeshit.

I leave you with the best meltdown ever:

Takashi And Scholnick Got To USC

Looks like USC Head Coach Pete Carroll has more problems besides having an injured starting quarterback in Mark Sanchez.

It appears as if the boys in burgundy pissed off Revenge of the Nerds stars Takashi and Scholnick, because the Trojans have jock itch.

They are victims of an ailment that has swept through the team during training camp, something that coaches refer to as "a skin irritation."
The players call it "jock itch."
As much as 25% of the team has been affected by the apparent run of tinea cruris, kicker David Buehler estimated. The condition seems to have spread by way of new compression shorts, or tights, worn under their football pants.

Sure, "jock itch," huh? Seems to me like Paris Hilton has been making her rounds at the USC facilities.

I wonder how Ogre has taken the outbreak. One tough dude.

"Looks like salad."

Cornfed Award

In honor of the ladies that are getting all the attention, and to the suggestion of First to Third's best buddy Ramo, Crystl Bustos is the one lady you don't want to mess with not named Alicia Sacramone.

The 5-foot-8 native of Canyon Country, Calif. is part of the US Softball team whom is seeking its fourth consecutive gold medal in the Games. She has two home runs so far. Unfortunately for the US team, it will be the last Olympic competition for the athletes, with the committee deciding that softball will no longer be part of the games following this summer's events.

So far, the American squad is 2-0 in play and had no-hit its competition until falling behind 0-1 to Canada before play was suspended due to weather. Play will continue later Friday (China time).

I saw Bustos play against CSUF as part of the team's Beijing tour prior to the Olympics. She did not due much in the game besides intimidate me while I sat in the press box.

David Ortiz and her should make super babies. That or my buddy Devin, "that fawking broad looks like she could fawking eat me. Oh man, I don't know LJ, I have low standards but I don't know if even I can stoop that low."

Roger Federer Is Slipping

James Blake slayed the ex-dragon of tennis Roger Federer in the quarterfinals of singles tennis event Olympics on Thursday night. It continued a trend of Federer as of late, unable to break from a yearlong slump. Surprisingly, RogFed hasn't won an Olympic medal in the singles event.

Blake, in his first Olympics at the age of 28, is the only American player to get past the first round of the singles matches.


In other Beijing news, an earlier state media report states that Chinese gymnast He Kexin's real age is 13.

Immediately after the women's group gymnastics event ended my cousin and I were discussing the beauty of Alicia Sacramone, when he suggested that the Chinese "women" were actually 12 years old.

In its report Nov. 3, Xinhua identified He as one of "10 big new stars" who made a splash at China's Cities Games. It gave her age as 13 and reported that she beat Yang Yilin on the uneven bars at those games. In the final, "this little girl" pulled off a difficult release move on the bars known as the Li Na, named for another Chinese gymnast, Xinhua said in the report, which appeared on one of its Web sites, www.hb.xinhuanet.com

The Associated Press found the Xinhua report on the site Thursday morning and saved a copy of the page. Later that afternoon, the Web site was still working but the page was no longer accessible. Sports editors at the state-run news agency would not comment for publication.

If the age reported by Xinhua was correct, that would have meant He was too young to be on the Chinese team that beat the United States on Wednesday and clinched China's first women's team Olympic gold in gymnastics. She is also a favorite for gold in Monday's uneven bars final.

Her birthdate was listed as Jan. 1, 1992 in Olympic reports. So clever of the Chinese, giving her a date of birth on the first day of 1992, making her exactly 16 years old.

I say Alicia beats those girls asses.

Ze Germans Are Mad At Me

Immediately after I boasted that Ms. Franco was the second hottest olympian I came across four German olympiads who posed for Playboy and have moved a leg up on the "hottest women" of the Olympics.
The not-safe-for-work pictures can be found at this German Playboy site.

The Spoiler translated the information on the women:

Petra Niemann is competing in her third Olympiad, and sailing is her game. “I’ve been working hard with my psychologist,” she told Playboy, as if to suggest this had something to do with sport or being naked.

Kayaker Nicole Reinhardt is one of Germany’s best hopes for gold in Beijing, and is grateful that her sport is about technique, so the “dickere und kräftigere” (”butch”) ladies have nothing on her svelte frame.

Romy Tarangul, just 20-years-old, has sadly been eliminated from the Judo competition already. Tsk.

Katharina Scholz is a field hockey starlet, and also a WAG of ex-national hockey captain Oliver Hentschel. She isn’t the first German from her discipline to pose in the buff for the popular magazine - the hilariously-named Fanny Rinne also did so prior to the Athens Olympiad.

And the best pictures of the ladies can be found at lessclothes.com.

We once hosted a couple of hopeful olympic German soccer players at my old house. One was a goalkeeper who could beat the crap out of me. She took a liking to our swimming pool, especially our diving board. She jumped, jumped, then pow! The diving board broke, following her into the water.

The two were drinkers too, they could outdrink my Pops ... something I didn't think was possible.

---

Thank you for proving me wrong my German beauties ... I am thankful for your appreciation of nakedness.

Who Wants A Bronze?

When it comes to the Olympics it is a great accomplishment to stand on the podium at an event finale, isn't it? To be considered as one of the top three competitors in the world in an event is something to be proud of.

Apparently not for Ara Abrahamian. The Swedish wrestler, appalled at his third place finish, decided to throw a hissy fit during the medal ceremony.

Abrahamian threw down his 84kg greco-roman bronze in disgust after his shot at gold was ended by a decision denounced by the Swedish coach as "politics".
Abrahamian took the medal from around his neck during the medal ceremony, stepped from the podium and dropped it in the middle of the mat before storming off.

Stay classy, Ara. Thousands of wrestlers would be proud to be able to stand on the podium. That guy is going to get wasted for the next couple of days.

UPDATE: The baby got stripped of the bronze medal, and no one will be awarded the third-place wrestler in his place. Waaaah.

[Source: Telegraph.co.uk]

Cubbies Fans: The Signs Are There

First To Third caters to Chicago Cubs fans because the best friend of LJ is a huge Cubs fans, and the Cubs is First To Third's second favorite MLB team.

For those reasons, F-to-T finds hope for the faithful like this one or provides ways to receive good karma.

From Baseball Tonight:

The Cubs did something on Wednesday that they hadn't done in almost forever -- swept a doubleheader on the road, winning each game by at least eight runs. The last time they did that, back in 1908 against the Cardinals (according to Elias), they won a World Series.

Cubs v. Angels, World Series.

Second Hottest Olympian

There is no way I can disrespect my future baby's mama, Alicia Sacramone, so I am appointing the title of second hottest olympian to Paraguay's Leryn Franco. You can watch her compete in the javelin throw competition which begins on Aug. 19, and make sure you catch her that day because she probably won't get far.

She finished 42nd in the event in Athens. When not playing with long poles, Franco models and competes in pageants. She was runner-up in the 2006 Ms. Paraguay competition.

De La Hoya Is Greedy

It was supposed to be the best fight in 2008, even topping the Cotto-Margarito fight. It was supposed to be Oscar De La Hoya's last fight. It was supposed to the fight that solidified that Manny Pacquiao was the pound-for-pound best fighter of this decade.

But now IT, the boxing match that would have been the most watched of 2008, may not happen after all.

Negotiations for the fight have broken down and the mega fight that was supposed to take place on Dec. 6 may not be delivered to boxing fans around the world.

Talks reached a stalemate Wednesday when neither De La Hoya nor Pacquiao would budge from the percentage split each wanted.

According to Top Rank promoter Bob Arum, Pacquiao's promoter, De La Hoya was seeking a 70-30 revenue split in his favor while Pacquiao wanted 40 percent of an HBO PPV fight that would likely generate more than $100 million.

"Bob told me today that Manny has declined to the accept the terms," Golden Boy Promotions CEO Richard Schaefer told ESPN.com. "I had a nice conversation with Bob. We'll move on and I guess Manny will move on."

De La Hoya needs to realize that he got into boxing to compete against the best, and not make enough money to buy all the fishnet he wants. If this fight does not happen it would be a slap in the face to boxing fans. De La Hoya needs to fight PacMan, for the sake of his reputation as a warrior.

Boxing fans cannot go through another fight like his last, against a inferior opponent in Steve Forbes, who exposed what De La Hoya is all about at this stage of his career: money. There is no way I, or millions of boxing fans, are willing to fork over cash for another bout like that.

Man up De La Hoya, take the 60-40 that PacMan wants and end your career with some dignity instead of leaving all boxing fans with this word in mind: coward.

Weights Are Heavy

My sister asked me to go to the gym with her yesterday, to which I replied: "no thanks, the Angels game is about to start and they don't serve beer at the gym."

Now I have a new reason not to go, "I like to keep my arms intact."

She Should Have Punched The Chinese

US women's gymnast Alicia Sacramone is quickly becoming my new favorite person in the Olympics and on planet Earth.

Sure, she blew it when the pressure was on, but this girl could knock out all the baby Chinese gymnasts all by herself. And kudos to her for doing it to a douchebag, AND she's a southpaw!

I'm in love.
*Updated* With gluteus maximus goodness.

Team USA Needs This Broad

Video is NSFW, as it shows a streaker. Girl has some skills.

The Men's US Soccer team was eliminated from the Olympics after losing to Nigeria 2-1. Luckily for the US men, soccer is not popular in the states and their lives will be spared.

Hanks Needs Superman

Yankees co-chairman Hank Steinbrenner has already declared that 2009 will be the year for the Pinstripes.

And even though he made the brilliant stupid prediction, he hasn't written off the Yankees current season.

"I'm not writing off this season," the team's co-chairman said Tuesday. "They're trying hard to win. There's only so much you can do. They're not supermen."

The Yankees are missing starting pitcher Chien-Ming Wang, who likely will miss the rest of the season because of a foot injury, and Joba Chamberlain, who hopes to return from right rotator cuff tendinitis. Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy have missed most of the season.

"I think it's very simple, we've been devastated by injuries. No team I've ever seen in baseball has been decimated like this. It would kill any team," Steinbrenner said. "Imagine the Red Sox without [Josh] Beckett and [Jon] Lester. Pitching is 70 percent of the game. Wang won 19 games two straight years. Chamberlain became the most dominating pitcher in baseball. You can't lose two guys like that."

Steinbrenner needs to ease up on his mouth movements. Chamberlain, the most dominating pitcher in baseball? He does know that Joba has not done a thing in baseball except prove he has a dead arm?

Brian Cashman is going to kill Hank.

Steinbrenner can find Superman in Beijing. 11 and counting, suck it, bitter Spitz!

Wrestling Without Clothes Is Fun...

In two instances:
1. With a member of the opposite sex.
2. When watching two females partake in the activity, in a pool of orbitz soda.

Two Nebraska wrestlers have been kicked off the team after photos of the pair hit the Internet. The photo shoot on Fratmentv.com was discovered by the athletic department and responded by declaring the athletes ineligible "because they violated an NCAA rule that prohibits athletes from appearing in pictures for commercial use."

John Marsh, who operates Fratmentv.com and two related Web sites catering to gay men, said he's spoken with Donahoe and Jordan and that both indicated they want to continue as college wrestlers. He said Donahoe was a "dynamite" wrestler.

"If Nebraska is going to be pigheaded and kick him off unreasonably," Marsh said, "there has to be another wrestling program that's going to want him."

Marsh said most photo and video shoots are done in Los Angeles, where Fratmentv.com is based, but that some are done at other locations. Members of Fratmentv.com pay $24.99 for access to hundreds of images and videos.

What I want to know is who discovered the photos and alerted the athletic department. I am sure other collegiate wrestlers are looking forward to getting on the mat with those two soon.

Olympics - Women's Gymnastics

One of the most highly-watched event in the Olympics for male audiences, from ages 11 all the way to super pervert 50, is women's gymnastics.

The US women's squad was expected to fend off the Chinese team for the gold medal in the event. Unfortunately, the American ladies choked their lead away and watched the home team receive the gold medals.

As soon as I started watching the "live coverage" (more on that to come) of the event I knew Team USA was going to blow it. I always keep my eye out for the hottest gymnast on the team to see which one is going to blow it for USA. And as soon as I saw Alicia Sacramone's pretty face and continuous smile I knew it: "you're gonna blow it sweetheart."

The hot ones always do in women's gymnastics.

The Americans performed ahead of the Chinese in the final rotation, the floor exercise. After team captain Alicia Sacramone landed her second pass flat on her back, the gold medal was gone. Sacramone knew it, crouching on the steps by the floor, her head buried in her hands, disbelief etched across her face.

Hers wasn’t the only mistake. Shawn Johnson—the reigning all-around and floor world champion—stepped out of bounds on floor. So did Nastia Liukin.

Just look Sacramone, she is too pretty to have that killer instinct.

Oh well, at least she can get loose with unlimited free condoms! Damn, I wish I had a ticket to Beijing just to console her and we'd be doing it safely!

Now to NBC's whole "live coverage" nonsense. Who the hell does Bob Costas and NBC think they are kidding? They do realize it is 2008 and the real "live" results are a click away on the interweb? I hate that they keep going to clips of Michael Phelps and saying "he is 50 minutes from attempting for another gold," when in fact he already won two golds in the span of the telecast. I can't sit around and watch the taped versions so I just hit the Internet and find out the results early to ruin it for everybody else. People go apeshit when you ruin taped footage of sporting events.

My favorite was when a couple of my friends taped a Lakers-Nuggets game in the playoffs because they were too lazy to get ready in time to watch the contest. So I did what any good friend would do, pulled out my cellphone and constantly updated them as to what was happening in real time. I pretended like I stopped once the game got into the fourth quarter and began calling out for shooters to take the jumper. I was God for five minutes, and I liked.

Anyway, Alicia told me to dump my girlfriend because she can't do this.

Coach K Doesn't Show Off

When Team USA Basketball's Head Coach Mike Krzyzewski was asked about the numerous showboating dunks thrown down in the blowout of China his reply irked a Kansas City Star writer.

“There was no showing off,” he said with an edge in his voice. “You dunk when you have to dunk. They have 7-footers. If you don’t take it hard, Yao would block it. He did block one. … I don’t know your definition of showing off, to me that’s hard basketball. I thought we played very hard. I thought we took it to the basket hard. Don’t confuse hard with showing off.”

He then glared at the person who asked the question, a reporter with an accent. And he said: “Maybe it’s a difference in our languages. Maybe in your language playing hard means showing off.”

Tar Heels fans have to be eating this article up. The journalist goes on to say that Coach K gets "an F in diplomacy." I say who cares, Mr. Posnanski. The American "Redeem Team" is on a mission to dismantle all that stand in their way, feelings hurt or not. It's not like Yao is not used to getting posterized in the NBA:





Coach K and the Redeem Team are did what they are supposed to be do early this morning, beating Angola by 21 points, 97-76. One thing I am took from the game? Kobe needs to stop shooting threes. His shooting is horrible behind the arc in the Games so far.

Up next for the U.S. ballers is Greece on Thursday. Petros Papadakis claims that Greece will beat USA.

Journalism At Its Best

Interviews like that are the exact reason I want to be a journalist, and why journalists get such a good rep. I've had some awkward interviews where you ask something, get no reply and just move as fast as possible to end the conversation because of the uncomfortable feeling.

Me: Had that play gone a different way the game might have turned out different.
Coach: What are you talking about? We still needed to score to win the game...
Me: *Fake laughing* Thanks for you time, see you tomorrow night.

Really though, the dude is obviously playing a joke on Cassell, but it is very entertaining to know ET doesn't know that.

Cubs Better Do This, Or Else...

The Chicago Cubs will curse themselves for a guaranteed 100 more years if they do not give in to a loyal 104-year-young fan who wants to throw the first pitch at Wrigley Field, particularly during the playoffs.

Leo Hildebrand, born in 1903, hopes to get his chance this October.

A lifelong Cubs fan, Hildebrand wants to throw out the first pitch at Wrigley Field for a game during the Cubs' expected playoff run. His neighbor and good friend, Henny Kronvold, tried to persuade the Cubs to let Hildebrand pitch last season, but the Cubs politely told her all of the slots were taken, Kronvold said.

"He can't wait much longer," said Arlene Burm, Hildebrand's 69-year-old daughter.

Jason Carr, a Cubs spokesman, said the organization reviews and considers all first-pitch requests.

It is one thing to piss off a goat-keeper who wants to wet his whistle, but to shun a man who has passed the century mark? I would have to console my best friend for the rest of his life because of the curse that would haunt the Cubs forever.

The story goes on:

While Hildebrand remains eager to show the Cubs his stuff, he's got plenty to keep himself occupied.

Once a week, he and his pastor drive around in a black BMW convertible, spreading cheer and hope to parishioners who are too old or too sick to make it to church.

Hildebrand says that's why he's still alive -- because "the Lord up above decided I had more to do."

A lifelong fan and one of God's good-doers? Now you know the Cubbies have to comply to Hildebrand.

[Source: Chicago Sun-Times. Photo: Richard A. Chapman/Sun-Times]

Spain Wants To Fit In

For those you who have not seen the photo pictured above you can bet China's basketball team is really kicking themselves about blowing a 15-point lead against Spain on Tuesday morning.

Spain's Olympic basketball teams have risked upsetting their Chinese hosts by posing for a pre-Games advert making slit-eyed gestures. The advert for a courier company, which is an official sponsor of the Spanish Basketball Federation, occupied a full page in the sports daily Marca, the country's best-selling newspaper.

The advert features two large photographs, one of the men's basketball team, above, and one of the women's team. Both squads pose in full Olympic kit on a basketball court decorated with a picture of a Chinese dragon. Every single player appears pulling back the skin on either side of their eyes. The advert carries the symbol of the sport's governing body.

No one involved in the advert appears to have considered it inappropriate nor contemplated the manner in which it could be interpreted in China and elsewhere. No offence was intended by the advert, but whether the Chinese see it that way is a different matter and it is likely to provoke more criticism at a delicate time for Spanish sport.

Damn, the Spanish are ruthless. They just blew any chance they had with any Chinese-born females while in Beijing ... unless the chick's initials are B.L., she's easy.


[Source: The Guardian]

Olympics Are Here And So Is Wang Zhi Zhi

The Olympics started off lukewarm until the U.S. men swimmers humiliated the French swimmers chokers in the pool.

It inspired me to stay up on Sunday night through Monday morning watching rowing, and now am totally consumed in everything Olympics.

Early this morning, two basketball medal hopefuls Spain and China needed overtime to decide their contest. Yao Ming fouled out (of course) and China choked away a 15-point lead in the 85-75 final. Pau Gasol and the Spaniards ruined the triumphant return of ex-Dallas Maverick Wang Zhi Zhi, who looked like the player he never was in the NBA. Wang carried China throughout, hitting jumpers en route to 15 points and even tying the score at 72 apiece to set up overtime.

Gasol, who had 29 points and eight boards, actually showed up during crunch time, and I am sure Kobe really enjoyed watching his Laker teammate come through in an important game. Spain's coach may have seen the NBA Finals because Pau was curiously on the bench with a couple minutes left in regulation, replaced by his younger brother Marc.

I guess all the Lakers needed was an overtime game in the Finals to get an aggressive Pau. Silly Spaniards, the American squad used four quarters to beat China by 31.

Here is to hoping that Wang can don(g) a Clippers jersey again.

And Michael Phelps is a beast in the pool going three-for-three in achieving gold so far. Phoebe Cates was the last reason I watched anything associated with a pool.

Oh, and the Chinese trapeze artists are crazy good at gymnastics ... beating the surprisingly-competitive third place American men squad.