Olympics - Women's Gymnastics

One of the most highly-watched event in the Olympics for male audiences, from ages 11 all the way to super pervert 50, is women's gymnastics.

The US women's squad was expected to fend off the Chinese team for the gold medal in the event. Unfortunately, the American ladies choked their lead away and watched the home team receive the gold medals.

As soon as I started watching the "live coverage" (more on that to come) of the event I knew Team USA was going to blow it. I always keep my eye out for the hottest gymnast on the team to see which one is going to blow it for USA. And as soon as I saw Alicia Sacramone's pretty face and continuous smile I knew it: "you're gonna blow it sweetheart."

The hot ones always do in women's gymnastics.

The Americans performed ahead of the Chinese in the final rotation, the floor exercise. After team captain Alicia Sacramone landed her second pass flat on her back, the gold medal was gone. Sacramone knew it, crouching on the steps by the floor, her head buried in her hands, disbelief etched across her face.

Hers wasn’t the only mistake. Shawn Johnson—the reigning all-around and floor world champion—stepped out of bounds on floor. So did Nastia Liukin.

Just look Sacramone, she is too pretty to have that killer instinct.

Oh well, at least she can get loose with unlimited free condoms! Damn, I wish I had a ticket to Beijing just to console her and we'd be doing it safely!

Now to NBC's whole "live coverage" nonsense. Who the hell does Bob Costas and NBC think they are kidding? They do realize it is 2008 and the real "live" results are a click away on the interweb? I hate that they keep going to clips of Michael Phelps and saying "he is 50 minutes from attempting for another gold," when in fact he already won two golds in the span of the telecast. I can't sit around and watch the taped versions so I just hit the Internet and find out the results early to ruin it for everybody else. People go apeshit when you ruin taped footage of sporting events.

My favorite was when a couple of my friends taped a Lakers-Nuggets game in the playoffs because they were too lazy to get ready in time to watch the contest. So I did what any good friend would do, pulled out my cellphone and constantly updated them as to what was happening in real time. I pretended like I stopped once the game got into the fourth quarter and began calling out for shooters to take the jumper. I was God for five minutes, and I liked.

Anyway, Alicia told me to dump my girlfriend because she can't do this.