They're Starting To Line Up

It was only a matter of time until someone back in the States declared her love that they wanted a piece of Olympic God Michael Phelps.

And it seems that she didn't waste anytime to get a head start on her competition.

From DeadSpin and Yahoo! Entertainment:

When it comes to Michael Phelps, Lindsay Lohan is apparently willing to postpone this whole lesbian thing. While interviewing Michael's mom Debbie on Monday, Hobbit-like Access Hollywood correspondent Billy Bush received a text message from Lohan, which he proceeded to show Debbie while on the air. Mom's reaction was pretty great.

Lohan's message: "Tell him he's fucking amazing, and I want to meet him."

Debbie's reaction? "OK, Lindsay!!! -- Delete! Delete! Delete!"

Phelps better take as many condoms that will fit in his bag for the Olympic Village Center, he is going to need them back home.

Like I said before, I am hoping to come across a genie in the next week.

My first wish? To be Phelps' penis for a day. Second wish? For Michael to hit all the Hollywood starlets' hot spots all day long.

And my final wish would to start the next day with a Los Angeles ghetto dog in both of my hands.

For Mr. Papa Phelps

We have seen her face all over the television screen for the last week ... no, not my darling Alicia Sacramone, but Michael Phelps' mother, Debbie. And although his father was in Greece for the 2004 Games, Fred Phelps was nowhere to be found in Beijing.

But that doesn't mean he was watching Michael's every move in the pool.

From the Baltimore Sun:

Our Sun colleague, Childs Walker, spoke with Fred Phelps this week to request an interview. Fred thought about it, and I think he probably handled the request as well as he could. He declined, saying he didn't want to take away from his son's accomplishments by delving into the family story.

"This is just about Michael," he said. "This is his glory, his time to shine, and I want him to get everything he wants."

Rest assured, while Phelps is in the Beijing pool, his father is paying close attention, cheering from back in Maryland.

"I'm just on pins and needles every time he hits the water," Fred Phelps said.

Here is to a great MerMan who helped produce an incredible athlete. Tom Hanks could have had a child like Michael if he had used his vagina penis on Daryl Hannah.