I Want That Job

The opening ceremonies for the Beijing Olympics got rave reviews after spectacular dances, fireworks, and singing were on display.

But shortly after people were buzzing about what went down behind the scenes leading up to, and at the ceremonies. Fake fireworks, benching a child songstress for having crooked teeth, downplaying the incident of a dancer getting paralyzed during rehearsal, and even late reporting of deaths during the building process.

One thing that worked out well for the Chinese Government's eyes was the selection of Chinese women for the opening festivities. If a woman wanted any shot to be selected she had to strip down naked and get measured up by body inspectors.

Thousands of young women from colleges and dance academies in Beijing competed for the chance to appear before a huge worldwide audience.

During the selection process, the women were required to strip so teachers judging whether they were qualified could measure their body proportions, The Beijing News said.

The women had to be at least 1.66 metres tall, have a pretty face and possess youthful energy, the report said.

What a gig ... Immediately after clicking the 'publish post' button I am going to begin writing a letter to my local Hooters franchise complaining of the quality of women. In the letter I am going to reference how the Chinese Government are much better at the selection process of women and it would only benefit the business to take on its methods.

Of course, I am patenting the process here in America, so Hooters has to hire me to do the inspections for all the Red, White, and Blue's locations. I remember you, Nicole. I remember how you treated me at the Hollywood Hooters, you will be the first to not meet the specifications.

Smashing Event Isn't What It Used To Be

As I mentioned last week, the Beijing Olympic athletes are provided with an unlimited amount of johnson covers.

I mean it is the right thing to do, especially when you have the most physically fit human beings all come together in one common area. Those individuals have trained their asses off, and once their events have ended there is no doubt that they want to let loose.

However, it seems as if the unofficial event of boinking is unfashionable at these Games.

Two-thirds of the 100,000 condoms available to competitors at the Beijing Games are sitting unused in the Olympic village’s medical clinic—in stark contrast to previous games.

Organizers ran out of prophylactics at the 2000 Sydney Games, which forced Athens organizers to nearly double the total available to 130,000 four years later.

“Athletes should know about the condoms—it’s a tradition of the Olympic Games,” said Vhao Wyanli, assistant director at the medical clinic inside the Olympic village. “It’s nothing new.”

The 10,500 athletes housed in the Olympic Village have access to the free condoms as part of a campaign on HIV prevention and anti-discrimination.

Of course the condoms were going to be untouched by the Redeem Team, especially this cat.

I guess I understand the athletes reasoning about concentrating on the Games instead of worrying about getting some booty. But damn, with all the fine, hot, bangin' women there, how could you not?

Alicia Sacramone better be saving herself for me.

This Is Just Mean

But funny as hell. Aside from Alicia Sacramone being super hot, more evidence has been discovered as to why she fell in the women's group event.


I love you Alicia. I hope one day you realize that I am not stalking you, just looking out for your best interest.

Cubbies Fans: The Signs Are There

First To Third caters to Chicago Cubs fans because the best friend of LJ is a huge Cubs fans, and the Cubs is First To Third's second favorite MLB team.

For those reasons, F-to-T finds hope for the faithful like this one or provides ways to receive good karma.

From Baseball Tonight:

The Cubs did something on Wednesday that they hadn't done in almost forever -- swept a doubleheader on the road, winning each game by at least eight runs. The last time they did that, back in 1908 against the Cardinals (according to Elias), they won a World Series.

Cubs v. Angels, World Series.