Have Steroids Blues?

Got baseball blues?

Don't worry, even soccer players of the Premier League are cheating their fans.

I love Keeley Hazell.


And a nut slap.

Team USA Needs This Broad

Video is NSFW, as it shows a streaker. Girl has some skills.

The Men's US Soccer team was eliminated from the Olympics after losing to Nigeria 2-1. Luckily for the US men, soccer is not popular in the states and their lives will be spared.

Soccer Players Want To Use Their Hands

The above video shows why soccer players get a bad rap.

HSV's midfielder David Jarolim has been squeezed with a four-game suspension for the action he performed in the above last Saturday.

Growing up I played soccer against my own blood, Mexicans, and I must admit "ball grabbing" was a tactic that was used by my kind to make the opposition think twice about contesting for the ball.

No wonder Jim Rome hates soccer.

At least I was reminded of the age-old tactic and can use it on Sunday in my soccer league.

Yes, I just admitted to being in a soccer league.

Balls.

The Referee Made Me Do It

I grew up playing soccer, and I immediately know what you are thinking if you are reading this and live in America. Wuss.

You have seen some of the players. Flopping, complaining, flopping, whining, hot wives, and more flopping.

The funny thing is that the flopping, complaining and whining works in the game.

I found a dude that is taking it to the next level: off the field.

Premier League soccer player Rob Malcolm was recently found in a drunken sleep behind the wheel of his car in the middle of a highway. Who did he blame? A referee from a match that he played the day before.

Malcolm, 27, a Scottish international player, later apologised for the bizarre incident before apparently offering every player's favourite excuse - blaming the ref.

He told fans he was "very upset and frustrated" by official Steve Bratt's handling of a match on Boxing Day, the day before Malcolm was arrested.

Malcolm appeared before magistrates in Chesterfield, Derbyshire charged with driving with excess alcohol.

He blew double the legal limit when he was given the breathalyser.

Another car almost ran into him while he was passed out on the highway.

Hey he was not driving, he was just sleeping. He had this to say: " "I would also like to stress that at the time of the incident, I was not driving my car.

I had pulled over to the side of the road and was sleeping. Once again, I apologise for what has been a major error of judgment."

When he says "pulled over to the side of the road," what he really means is that he had ten scotches and decided the best place to pass out was the middle of the road. Safe right?

And when he says that he "was not driving my car," he means that he drove to that location to pass out and did not pass out while the car was still running.

Ah if life were that easy.

"Yes, I did not do that report boss. And what of it? My old lady pissed me off the night before with her meatloaf. Hey, at least I decided not to do the report on a Friday. We will not have to worry about it until Monday."

I really do not know why many soccer players are injected with wussbag-itis, but the reputation never seems to get away from the 'ballers.

We would not have a Rasheed Wallace in the NBA world if he reacted like Malcolm.

Happy Hump Day

Halfway through your week, it is time to wish you all a "happy hump day" on this second Wednesday of 2008.

How? Really, how do all footballers in Europe get all the beautiful women? And half the time the dudes are caught out with other women at clubs.

This week I bring you Cheryl Cole (aka Cheryl Tweedy), wife of Ashley Cole, a footballer of Barbadian descent who plays for Chelsea.

What is it? I played soccer growing up and into high school, and all the girls were interested in the other football sport players. Maybe I should have moved to England as a young pup, said screw school, and played soccer 24/7.

Then I could have an orgy with 5 hookers and still be the desire of all the women in Europe.

A £ For Your Thoughts

I need to study soccer more than listening to my uncle and cousin talk about the game... that or pay attention to the upcoming debacle that will be of me running on a real outdoor soccer field trying to play again.

Anyway, lets not tell Jim Rome that I play soccer, I need to keep my clone reputation.

A punter turned £ 1 into £ 28,000 after picking the correct outcome of 14 straight futbol (soccer) matches.

A William Hill spokesman said: "The man found 13 winners on Saturday by backing WBA, Tranmere, Dundee, East Fife, Doncaster, Millwall, Wycombe, Bristol City, Hamilton, Cardiff, Swansea, Chesterfield and Rotherham, which turned his pound into over £12,000."

The gambler then wagered a Hull City victory over Sheffield Wednesday on Sunday and was rewarded when veteran Dean Windass struck with a 33rd minute free kick winner.

I really need to talk to this "punter." I am actually confused on what a "punter" is... are they talking about a punter in American football, or a punter of... um, I am not really sure what other kind of punter there is in this world.

But really. I bet on the Lakers to beat the Celtics this past weekend even though the Lakes were wearing baby shorts. And I also got suckered into a bet that the Oregon Ducks would lose to South Florida in their bowl game.

Shoot, I will back this "punter" with £ 8 then we can roll to Vegas to bet on UCLA losing in the Las Vegas Bowl... that bet never fails.

The Art of Flopping

I do not understand why soccer players flop like crazy. I did not do it was as a kid, nor did my trainers/coaches teach us how to flop. Where do they pick up the techniques and when to flop?

Anyway, some players jump at the opportunity to showcase their acting skills. Take this video for example. It is a freak accident in a South African soccer match in which advertisement boards fly across the field. Yes, I saw a couple players that were hit, but there were double the amount of players on the ground who were not hit.

See for yourself:


How embarrassing... you are a grown ass man and rolling around acting like you are hurt. How the hell do professional soccer players get such hot women?

It Actually Happened!

I always wondered if a crazy soccer fanatic actually saved a goal from going in on his favorite team. You know, those slow rollers or lazy balls that could have been saved if the goalkeeper had been in the right spot. Sometimes you feel bad and wish the goalie had a backup plan to prevent the goal.

Well now I have video evidence that it has happened:

Bravo. I do not have any information on this game and what happened to the second goalie, but will post it once I do some more investigative work.

Soccer Moms Are The Realness

As a kid I was looked at as the "golden foot" to my parents. The soccer kid who could make it to the World Cup. Nothing against my parents, because I had the same dream.

I wanted to be in the World Cup as well, but there is something about soccer that brings out the best of mothers.

You know what I am talking about. The mothers that yell at the top of their lungs for their child to prevail on the pitch, no matter the age.

My mother was guilty of it, and she knew it bothered me. That is the way it is around the world though. Things change with time, except the soccer mom that wants her child to dominate the field.

Do not get me wrong, I love my mother will all my heart. I understand it though, we all want to see our own win on the field. Shoot, I will probably be doing the same thing when I have children.

But if you smell what I am cooking then you know what a child goes through. The yelling, accompanied by the shaking of our own collective heads. You know what is going through your head, "Mom! Shut up, just let us play."

That is the passion. I could only imagine being a parent of a child that is on a professional sports team. Your heart beating every game that your child plays.

Let me get to my point. A soccer mom assaulted her daughter's coach after being left off an email list with the directions to the game.

That is the passion I am talking about. God bless the parents with passion.

It may make you shake your head one year, but all it shows is that they love you.

My mother changed so many lives through soccer. She took in kids with no light at the end of the tunnel and showed them there is always a brighter side of life. Those kids became adults and thanked her for saving their lives... keeping them from the wrong path in the fork in the road. This happens all over the world, because the same can be said about my Uncle Andy. Actually the list never ends, throw my Aunt Sandy on that list as well.

Sports changes lives more than we think.

I love you Mom, and will be visiting you in Texas soon.

Raise your glasses for the "soccer mom." But no assaults!

This Hardly Ever Worked...

This hardly never worked for my soccer team when I was younger. It was more of a sign for the other team and a mental sign for ourselves that the game was never over, and to never quit.

But the chances of the goalkeeper actually helping to score a goal, let alone scoring a goal, at the end of the game were slim to none. It was not like hockey where pulling a goalie at the end of the game could actually provide a threat; it was more fun for the opposing team to take a shot at an open goal.

I remember seeing a goalie pulled from the goal and watching all the players' eyes open wide as they knew they could kick the ball as far as possible to an open net at a chance to score. It was a novelty that other teams look at as a fun opportunity, rather than a threat.

I do not know, maybe times have changed...