The Referee Made Me Do It

I grew up playing soccer, and I immediately know what you are thinking if you are reading this and live in America. Wuss.

You have seen some of the players. Flopping, complaining, flopping, whining, hot wives, and more flopping.

The funny thing is that the flopping, complaining and whining works in the game.

I found a dude that is taking it to the next level: off the field.

Premier League soccer player Rob Malcolm was recently found in a drunken sleep behind the wheel of his car in the middle of a highway. Who did he blame? A referee from a match that he played the day before.

Malcolm, 27, a Scottish international player, later apologised for the bizarre incident before apparently offering every player's favourite excuse - blaming the ref.

He told fans he was "very upset and frustrated" by official Steve Bratt's handling of a match on Boxing Day, the day before Malcolm was arrested.

Malcolm appeared before magistrates in Chesterfield, Derbyshire charged with driving with excess alcohol.

He blew double the legal limit when he was given the breathalyser.

Another car almost ran into him while he was passed out on the highway.

Hey he was not driving, he was just sleeping. He had this to say: " "I would also like to stress that at the time of the incident, I was not driving my car.

I had pulled over to the side of the road and was sleeping. Once again, I apologise for what has been a major error of judgment."

When he says "pulled over to the side of the road," what he really means is that he had ten scotches and decided the best place to pass out was the middle of the road. Safe right?

And when he says that he "was not driving my car," he means that he drove to that location to pass out and did not pass out while the car was still running.

Ah if life were that easy.

"Yes, I did not do that report boss. And what of it? My old lady pissed me off the night before with her meatloaf. Hey, at least I decided not to do the report on a Friday. We will not have to worry about it until Monday."

I really do not know why many soccer players are injected with wussbag-itis, but the reputation never seems to get away from the 'ballers.

We would not have a Rasheed Wallace in the NBA world if he reacted like Malcolm.

Happy Hump Day

Halfway through your week, it is time to wish you all a "happy hump day" on this second Wednesday of 2008.

How? Really, how do all footballers in Europe get all the beautiful women? And half the time the dudes are caught out with other women at clubs.

This week I bring you Cheryl Cole (aka Cheryl Tweedy), wife of Ashley Cole, a footballer of Barbadian descent who plays for Chelsea.

What is it? I played soccer growing up and into high school, and all the girls were interested in the other football sport players. Maybe I should have moved to England as a young pup, said screw school, and played soccer 24/7.

Then I could have an orgy with 5 hookers and still be the desire of all the women in Europe.

A £ For Your Thoughts

I need to study soccer more than listening to my uncle and cousin talk about the game... that or pay attention to the upcoming debacle that will be of me running on a real outdoor soccer field trying to play again.

Anyway, lets not tell Jim Rome that I play soccer, I need to keep my clone reputation.

A punter turned £ 1 into £ 28,000 after picking the correct outcome of 14 straight futbol (soccer) matches.

A William Hill spokesman said: "The man found 13 winners on Saturday by backing WBA, Tranmere, Dundee, East Fife, Doncaster, Millwall, Wycombe, Bristol City, Hamilton, Cardiff, Swansea, Chesterfield and Rotherham, which turned his pound into over £12,000."

The gambler then wagered a Hull City victory over Sheffield Wednesday on Sunday and was rewarded when veteran Dean Windass struck with a 33rd minute free kick winner.

I really need to talk to this "punter." I am actually confused on what a "punter" is... are they talking about a punter in American football, or a punter of... um, I am not really sure what other kind of punter there is in this world.

But really. I bet on the Lakers to beat the Celtics this past weekend even though the Lakes were wearing baby shorts. And I also got suckered into a bet that the Oregon Ducks would lose to South Florida in their bowl game.

Shoot, I will back this "punter" with £ 8 then we can roll to Vegas to bet on UCLA losing in the Las Vegas Bowl... that bet never fails.