A Day In The Life Of Scott Boras

4:00 - 4:40 a.m. - Wake up, smile about the dream of a glistening Alex Rodriguez dancing in the rain. Go for a run along the beach of Newport then take dip in the ocean.

5:00 - 5:30 a.m. - Roll around in piles of money on a bed, chanting A-Rod, Barry Zito, and J.D. Drew.

6:35 - 7:35 a.m. - Workout with A-Rod. Translation: watch A-Rod work out, advise him to take off his shirt, and compliment him until his cheeks are rosy.

8:00 - 9:00 a.m. - Offer a shower to A-Rod, that he unfortunately turns down. Apparently, he has his own shower. Take a lonely shower, but call A-Rod while in the shower to tell him something that you "forgot" to say to him.

9:30 - 10:30 a.m. - Have a boring breakfast with wife, Jeanette, but talk about how getting A-Rod $400 million is definitely possible because of what I got J.D. Drew from the Red Sox. "Where is my money for my time with you woman?"

11:00 - 11:30 a.m. - Talk to the Dodgers and let them know they are screwed if they do not sign A-Rod. Insist that the Angels will sign him if they do not get him. Warn that the Angels will be the Los Angeles team.

12:30 - 1:00 p.m. - Talk to Arte Moreno of the Angels and let him know that the Dodgers are really interested in A-Rod. Let Moreno know that not signing A-Rod means dropping the Los Angeles from the Angels name.

1:00 - 1:15 p.m. - Console Moreno about how his team is Los Angeles because of his billboards. But remind him that the Dodgers win the battle of LA if they get A-Rod.

1:20 - 2:20 p.m. - Listen to Brian Cashman apologize for George Steinbrenner's sons. Demand a $400 million contract for embarrassing you and A-Rod. Listen to Cashman cry, and record the whole thing.

2:30 - 3:00 p.m. - Listen to the Cashman tape with A-Rod and take a dip into spa filled with money. Let evil cackles ensue.

3:15 - 4:00 p.m. - Call Omar Minaya and warn him that a deal is almost already done with the Angels/Dodgers.

4:10 - 4:30 p.m. - Call J.D. Drew and demand to have the World Series championship ring. Who else could have pulled off that deal to the Red Sox? Huh "DL" Drew?

4:40 - 5:30 p.m. - Have a snack with A-Rod and crank call Derek Jeter using a voice disguiser and proclaim that A-Rod is a better shortstop. Then tell Jeter that Cashman plans to trade him to the Dodgers. Laugh asses off when you hear Jeter crying with joy, and say, "yeah right you pretty boy! Torre does not want your ass!"

5:45 - 6:15 p.m. - Call Red Sox GM Theo Epstein and remind him of Mike Lowell's home/road splits from last year. Tell Epstein that he is just a "young punk" that A-Rod can beat up. End conversation by yelling: "You do not want A-Rod?!?! Well, I screwed you with Drew and Daisuke Matsuzaka!"

6:30 - 7:00 p.m. - Set dinner meetings with Dodgers' Ned Colletti and Tony Reagins for 9:00 p.m. tonight at different restaurants.

7:15 - 8:00 p.m. - Ignore calls from Barry Zito, Carlos Beltran, and Johnny Damon. Respond to each via text: "I got you your money, and you got me mine. Call me when your contract is up, then we will do work. Right now, I have bigger fish to fry."

8:10 - 8:50 p.m. - Practice Japanese to talk to Dice-K. Today's focus: "We need more money from the Red Sox."

9:00 - 11:00 p.m. - Stiff both Colletti and Reagins. Send a text letting both know that you with are with the other Los Angeles baseball team's GM. Go out to a candlelit dinner with A-Rod in Newport instead.

11:15 - 12:00 a.m. - Invite A-Rod inside for after-dinner drinks to no avail. Say goodbye and curse A-Rod's wife's name in vain. Immediately call J.D. Drew to let him know the ring will be property of Boras, or else. Call a hit man on three-way to reiterate the danger Drew will be in if he does not comply.

12:30 - 1:00 a.m. - Call "Jacob the Jeweler" to inquire about getting a World Series championship ring changed from the "Red Sox" to "A-Rod's".

1:15 a.m. - Sleep time. Say goodnight to wife Alex Jeanette.